I am a 26 year-old child

I went out to dinner the other night and decided that I needed to have a lamp shaped like an assault rifle.

















I also decided, after much sleep deprivation, that this was the most hilarious thing that I had seen in days.















I'm in Adelaide today. Adelaide boasts the highest serial killer ratio per capita in the world. I am flying to Perth, which is the most isolated city in the world. Things are really looking up for me.

What's a Guy to do?

It's not a big deal, but I'd like to have more than just a wee nub of internet every now and again. It's been almost a week since I've been able to get online, and even now it's as if it were powered by a mule. I have an outbox piling up with work-related nonsense and, more importantly, I haven't been able to send you an email. Petition the Australians. Send help soon.