Wednesday, January 31, 2007

Dental disasters

Astronaut Handjobs

A mere psychotic episode

This is what happens when you sit in the middle of the sidewalk at 10am tearing pages from your unfinished novel and shouting bullshit at pigeons. Everyone has bad days. Just a perspective, that's all.

Buying In Bulk

So the other day Jamie and I went to Costco. It's one of those warehouse deals where you pay an annual membership and get to buy lots of everyday household items in absurdly large quantity. It was massive.

There was so much that I wanted to buy, yet knew there was no practical use for it in my home. This would have been amazing if my friend Ally were around. He has an irrational yet rather serious aversion, nay fear, of mayonaise. I once put about 200 little packets of mayo in his suitcase. I think he may have tried to stab me in the stomach. If I were less of a friend I would have this in the mail already, but instead I sent him a Faith No More record because he has a butt infection.

Around my way folks call this a shit ton of ramen noodles.

Funny. I really just wanted one of these crackers. Not one package, but just one cheese and peanut butter cracker.

Reminds me of the Mitch Hedberg joke: Guess how many jelly beans are in the jar. Fuck it, why don't you guess how many I want. If you guessed a handful, you win.

On the way out we rode out full shopping carts (granted mine was mostly full of seafood and tequila) down a pair of ramps to the parking garage. You get a good bit of downhill momentum behind a case of Fat Tire and some 7-layer bean dip. Jamie nearly beaned a couple of girls on the way down.

Today the shopping was far less successful. There was a sweet deal on sailor's hats at a second hand shop in The Mission. I desperately wanted to get the pair and wear them around all day. No dice. It lasted about five minutes. I did, however, buy one and wear it all night. I'm wearing it now, in fact.

I also found this awful little piece of folk art. I am sure whomever created this nasty, colorful turd is suffering for their crime against humanity. Really. Clowns are no joke.

I didn't actually buy this, although I was tempted.

Did I mention that it was 9 degrees and snowing in Montreal today. Yeah, I'll be there on Monday come hell or high water.