I Love The Smell of Commerce in the Morning

Right in the middle of my Canadian vacation I stopped at the West Edmonton Mall which is, as far as I can tell, the largest indoor monument to commerce on the face of the Earth.















I walked for miles until I was quite literally exhausted and found that I had only covered one level of the massive structure. The thing had an indoor water park,
















a full-size skating rink,

















a shooting range, an aquarium a skate park, flamingos,

















a music venue and a huge arcade. We made Bobby (an actual professional, touring drummer lampooning as a drum tech) play the ultimate drummer game. It was hilarious watching him smack the pads with one hand as the screen lit up with 'excellellent!', 'perfect!' and 'tommy lee!' scores. (Just kidding about the Tommy Lee thing. No one thinks Hepatitis is funny.)




























It also happened to be Carlos' birthday. Carlos can be at the receiving end of a good deal of torment, and has been over the years so his birthday is a pretty special occasion. There was a wealth of possibilities in the largest mall on Earth. I had already found this pair of pants (they were on sale too):
















But then I read the tag which explained they were for extreme lifestyles ONLY. Close call. I almost wore them to the indoor flamingo exhibit.


















I also found this here dinosaur. It was pretty wild...





























And this magnificent work of public art in front of a Mc Donald's (no one could work out why anyone would want to sit opposite a big, brass guy on his lunch break).


















That said, there was no shortage of amazing birthday presents about for our pal. I think we really scored when Harley and I stumbled on a life-size cardboard cut-out of a wrestler.


















All it took was a towel and a banana.

















And a well thought-out sign, and it was officially a birthday present.


















I also scored with the 2nd best purchase of the day. A DVD copy of Wrestlemania III. It was a good night in the front lounge of the old bus that night.


















I caught this out of the corner of my eye in the mall parking lot and managed to take a quick picture. The girl in the car stuck her head out the window and shouted 'why you taking my picture?' Clearly she hadn't seen the other side of the mirror that she was staring into. I spoke slowly and clearly: 'see, the thing about it is...'


















We continued our tour of North American truck stops.









































Marshmallow Cheeseburger.




























This is what happens when Ally gets a Canadian Visa...

















And realizes that it states his country of birth as 'England' instead of Scotland. You thought Mel Gibson was mad.



















I spent our entire day off in Vancouver locked in my room with a lighting desk programming the Coachella show.















It was like this weird alien that followed me into my room.


















I managed to work myself blind and at some point in the wee hours of the morning I tried to unwind by watching some TV. Terrible, terrible idea. I had to document it so that I would know that it wasn't a hallucination. There was some sort of softball game on, narrarated by Bronson Pinchot....


















Michael Jackson was playing left field...

















Elvis was at shortstop...


















Tina Turner was pitching...



















and Stevie Wonder was catching.



















He would yell 'strike' at random, even when no one was pitching or batting. I think I am dumber for having witnessed it, but I feel as though I have a deeper understanding of my fellow man.